Re-Learning to Walk

“If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.”

~Galatians 5:25

We are all called to walk by the Spirit and keep in step with the Spirit. I know that; I've heard it all my life. My goodness, I've even written “One step at a time...” at the end of practically all my blog posts! But recently, even taking basic steps has been a point of quandary for me. How do I intentionally make walking with the Spirit affect my life in meaningful and practical ways? Most specifically, how should I apply it to my questions about that ever-pressing topic of “God's will for my life”?

I once took a “personality profile quiz.” I was asked over fifty multiple-choice questions in order to discover my strengths and weaknesses in a few different categories. Unsurprisingly to me, I was ranked high in being a “planner.” Yes, that's me~ always wanting to plan things out. Thus, for me it has been a frustrating fact that very few people in the Bible received their life plan (or even a five-year plan) from God in advance. Why hasn't God just shown me what He wants me to do?! Couldn't I serve Him better if I knew what I should be doing and where I should be heading???

I know that God does have a plan for my whole life. He does care that I trust Him with my entire life. Yet, He desires for me to trust Him and follow His leading every second of every day. He cares more about my response to His Spirit's leading right now than about what I intend to do next year. I feel like so often all the noise of planning for the future and trying to discern “God's will for my life” drowns out the Spirit's still small voice, whispering His guidance for each next step. Instead of focusing entirely on “God's will for my life,” I also need to seek hard after “the Spirit's leading in my life in this moment.”

This moment. It's all I really have, guaranteed. Stopping to think about all the people, tasks, and opportunities God has given me in this moment, I am rather amazed and encouraged. People~ Every day, God brings people into my life so that I can be His ambassador; I get to show His love and grace to them. This may be staying late at work to help a coworker, being a good listener, or simply loving someone enough to give them the space they need~ but in every instance I need to be sensitive to the Spirit's leading. Tasks~ God has shown me the everyday chores I should work at completing and the practical life-skills I should work at acquiring. Sometimes these can be as simple as a cheerful spirit or cooking a meal for my family. Opportunities~ God has opened doors for me to be working and going to school at PCC.


As I am learning to pray for an open and willing heart to surrender to the Spirit's leading, He is guiding me...

...One step at a time...

Rachel

Batter My Heart

By John Donne

Batter my heart, three-person'd God;

for You as yet but knock;

breathe, shine, and seek to mend;

That I may rise, and stand,

O'erthrow me, and bend Your force,

to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,

Labour to admit You, but O, to no end.

Reason, Your viceroy in me, me should defend,

But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.

Yet dearly I love You, and would be loved fain,

But am betroth'd unto Your enemy;

Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,

Take me to You, imprison me,

for I, except You enthrall me, never shall be free,

Nor ever chaste, except You ravish me. 

Masquerade

Sorrow.  Despair.  Self-pity.  These things often define our hearts.

Many times, our hearts may be torn and bleeding, yet very few people know... because we hide the pain behind a mask.  We go through life as if it is a masquerade ball ~ smiling, laughing, dancing ~ but all the while, we have deep, hidden sorrow.

I'm reminded of the poem by Paul Laurence Dunbar entitled, "We Wear The Mask."

We wear the mask that grins and lies,

It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes--

This debt we pay to human guile;

With torn and bleeding hearts, we smile,

And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise

In counting all our tears and sighs?

Nay, let them only see us while

We wear the mask.

We smile, but oh great Christ, our cries

To Thee from tortured souls arise.

We sing, but oh the clay is vile

Beneath our feet, and long the mile;

But let the world dream otherwise,

We wear the mask!

Yes, there are many times when I feel discouraged or sad ~ but each of those emotions lend themselves as examples of God's grace and provision through trials.  Through them, I can proclaim to the world how God is working in my life and changing me into His image.

So, I should not hide behind my mask, and I cannot continue in this masquerade.  I don't want to be hindered or rendered ineffective by pain ~ rather, I want to overcome it in Christ's strength.

God, I need Your help as I continue to walk
One step at a time...
Rachel <><

Graduation Reflections

Graduation symbolizes the end. 
Years of accomplishments. 
Years of memories. 
Years of learning.

However, graduation is also a beginning. 
New school. 
New friends. 
New lessons.

Graduation is a time to remember God's call for each of us, no matter what age.

“Delight yourself in the LORD, 

and He will give you 

the desires of your heart.” 

Psalm 37:4

We are called to focus on our Lord. 
Seek Him continually. 
DELIGHT in Him.

Then our desires and priorities will be in line with His ~ to shine His supremacy and glory in EVERYTHING we do.

Then He will faithfully follow through by displaying the glory of His Name through our lives.

"Our life is a gift from God.

What we do with our life is 


our gift to God."

God has blessed each of us with gifts and abilities. It is our job to keep striving to use those all, solely, for His glory!

One step at a time...

Rachel <><

A Letter From Hell

140,000 people DIE. 


EVERY DAY.

Famine. 
Old age. 
Accident.

Here one moment, gone ~forever~ in the next. Souls so lost. People headed for eternity in hell.  

Listen to A Letter From Hell


I have listened to the above presentation many times.  The message rings clearly in my ears ~ flooding my mind throughout the day and keeping me awake at night.  The words clamor for answers.  Answers I'm not sure I want to face.

What do I truly believe?

"Anyone whose name was not found written in the Book of Life was thrown into the lake of fire" (Revelation 20:15). 

"Jesus said, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me'" (John 14:6).

This is the reality.  This is the truth.  Without Jesus, people will be thrown into the lake of fire (hell).  They will be separated from God the Father FOREVER.  But do I believe this?

Everyday I come into contact with people who need to hear the good news of salvation.  God has placed them in my life for a reason.  Yet I often have my own agenda.  Often don't look on them with compassion.  Often block out God's prompting to share with them.

BUT I AM A CHRISTIAN!  I have a personal relationship with the Savior, Jesus Christ!  Why do I hold back  from sharing that relationship with others?

Friends.  Neighbors.  Classmates.  Co-workers.  Enemies.
Why don't I tell them how to become Christians?

Do I truly care about them?
If I do, I need to tell them about Jesus... tell them how to escape the terrible torment they are headed for.
As they are, they are without hope.


Fire.

Pain.

HELL.

Why don't I tell them about JESUS?

  

One step at a time...
Rachel  <><

God's Provision

Through trials in our lives, God reveals His mercy and love in new, wondrous ways. In His wisdom, He allows each of us to come to the limits of our physical, mental, and emotional abilities so that we can experience His strength.

Daily trials cause weariness and discouragement because they show just how weak we are on our own strength. Sometimes the temptation to focus on the discouragement of our current circumstances is so great! Instead we need to focus on God's strength and provision in the midst of the trial.

Some of the most encouraging words to me lately have been spoken to me by my mom. Almost daily, she reminds me, “God will always provide you with the strength you need to do everything He asks you to do.”

As God has brought me through some taxing trials lately, He's shown me His incredible provision. He never asks me to go through any trial without providing the perseverance, strength, encouragement, and support to endure. Rather than becoming completely bogged down in weariness and disillusionment, I have been encouraged by these hardships. Only through them do I experience Christ's grace in a profoundly new way. And I am learning more about His character through this special time of focusing on Him.

No matter what I am facing right now, I know that I shouldn't become bogged down. I should focus on the love God poured out and the effort He exerted on my behalf. God knows far better than me what trials feel like. Yet He overcame them; He never gave up ~ never grew weary in doing good. He was victorious! So, I will choose to stand in His victory, thanking Him for choosing to work through me DESPITE my weaknesses.

One step at a time...

Rachel <><

The Cross

Good Friday. A day to reflect on Christ's redeeming work on the cross -- God's plan for freeing me from the guilt and punishment of my sin. 

The cross contrasts the extremes between a sinner such as me and a holy, awesome God.  At the cross, I have come to discover both the depths of my depravity and the heights of God's amazing love for me. I witness both the terrifying intensity of God's just wrath for sin and His unspeakable mercy and love for me.

In the book When God Weeps, Steven Estes and Joni Eareckson Tada give the following account of Christ's death. As you read, refuse to let the scene be familiar. Let its reality shock you and break your heart.

The face that Moses had begged to see – was forbidden to see – was slapped bloody (Exodus 33:19-20). The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth's rebellion now twisted around His own brow. . .

“On your back with you!” One raises a mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier's heart must continue pumping as he readies the prisoner's wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier's life minute-by-minute, for no man has this power on his own. Who supplies breath to his lungs? Who gives energy to his cells? Who holds his molecules together? Only by the Son do “all things hold together” (Colossians 1:17). The victim wills that the soldier live on – he grants the warrior's continued existence. The man swings.

As the man swings, the Son recalls how He and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm – the sensations it would be capable of. The design proves flawless – the nerves perform exquisitely. “Up you go!” They lift the cross. God is on display in His underwear and can scarcely breathe.

But these pains are a mere warm-up to His other and growing dread. He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an unearthly foul odor began to waft, not around His nose, but His heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon His spotless being – the living excrement from our souls. The apple of His Father's eye turns brown with rot.

His Father! He must face His Father like this!

From heaven, the Father now rouses Himself like a lion disturbed, shakes His mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross. Never has the Son seen the Father look at Him so, never felt even the least of His hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky. The Son does not recognize these eyes.

“Son of Man! Why have you behaved so? You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped – murdered, envied, hated, lied. You have cursed, robbed, overspent, overeaten – Fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled, and blasphemed. Oh, the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned! Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled my Name? Have you ever held your razor tongue? What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk – you, who molest young boys, peddle killer drugs, travel in cliques, and mock your parents. Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals, and worship demons? Does the list never end? Splitting families, raping virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp – buying politicians, practicing exhortation, filming pornography, accepting bribes. You have burned down buildings, perfected terrorist tactics, founded false religions, traded in slaves – relishing each morsel and bragging about it all. I hate, loath these thing in you! Disgust for everything about you consumes me! Can you not feel my wrath?”

Of course, the Son is innocent. He is blamelessness itself. The Father knows this. But the divine pair have an agreement, and the unthinkable must now take place. Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed.

The Father watches as His heart's treasure, the mirror-image of Himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah's stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.

“Father! Father! Why have You forsaken me?!”

But heaven stops its ears. The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.

The Trinity had planned it. The Son endured it. The Spirit enabled Him. The Father rejected the Son whom He loved. Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted His sacrifice for sin and was satisfied. The Rescue was accomplished.

The great Rescue accomplished here was for me. For you. Christ bore the punishment for our sin – the punishment we deserved. Do you feel His passionate and specific love for you? He was condemned and cursed so that you could go free – He was forsaken by God so that you would never be forsaken (Hebrews 13:5).

The cross humbles us. 

The only way God could give us right standing before Him was to transfer our guilt to Jesus and in exchange give Jesus' perfect record to us.

Now we are clean. We are totally forgiven. We are His.

Our past has no claim on us; God has made us new.

Let us never forget it. Never doubt it. Never stop rejoicing in the miracle of God's grace.

One step at a time...

Rachel <><

[[[***Note: This post is a compilation of selected quotes from Chapter 10 of Joshua Harris' book Boy Meets Girl.***]]]

Change is in the Air

The famous inventor Alexander Graham Bell once said, “When one door closes, another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us.”

That is something I have experienced over and over the past couple years. I have seen how God continually directs my path clearly, if only I will eagerly follow Him. Yet how quickly I lose faith! I don't like to let go of my safety net and simply trust Him. One of the big areas where I'm struggling right now is trusting God with my future career.

As I came to the end of this past school term and needed to register for next term's classes, I began to seriously question my choice of majoring in Dental Hygiene. This past term, I went to school full-time while also beginning an internship with my dentist and working part-time. My whole life became swallowed up in my competition to make it into Dental Hygiene school. However, the more I experienced Dental Hygiene first hand and applied myself to studying, the more I had to ask myself, “Where is the passion?” For years, I told myself that I didn't need to be passionate about working on peoples' teeth because this was just a practical job that I'd use as a stepping stone to reach other areas of service. So, I continued to press on in my studies. Then, through my internship, I learned some additional information.

While I loved my internship, through it I also saw the headache of billing through insurance companies, learned that my Human Anatomy and Physiology (A&P) class was just the “easy stuff,” and was told about the inflexibility of the job. My preconceived idea was that I would be able to take Dental Hygiene anywhere in the world with me once I was licensed. However, I found out that if I moved, I would have to go back to school for about 2 years to be re-certified for my new region/country. Suddenly, this was not a practical profession for me~ instead, it was a very limiting one. Not only was I lacking passion for this job, but it was not leading me in the direction I wanted.

So, rather than continue my A&P class series, I dropped that for purely general education credits while I regroup this term. This has been a huge step for me, especially since I've been planning to major in Dental Hygiene for over 3 years now. Dental Hygiene was like a safety net for me. I knew what I was doing and had a goal in mind. But now I've thrown that to the wind. I'm praying that as I allow that door to finally close, God will swing wide another, better door.

Honestly, at this moment I have no clue how God is directing my future. I'm going through a lot of questioning and searching. So, once again, God has brought me to the point of needing to trust Him completely... and I'm finding ~everyday~ that it's the very best place to be. :)

One step at a time...

Rachel <><

A Much-Needed Break

Never setting the alarm, only studying for fun, and traveling with dear friends~ some of my favorite things on earth! And they have all been happening this week because it's Spring Break!

Saturday, after finally finishing up my Anatomy & Physiology final, I went out to Wahkeena Falls for a cookout in the Columbia River Gorge with my family. It was so therapeutic for me to build a little fire and sit and visit with my family. We couldn't have asked for prettier weather.

Then I took time off from work and went on an incredibly fun four-day trip to California with one of my dearest friends! Melissa, her mom Celeste, and I flew from Seattle to Oakland early Sunday morning to visit their family. They were all so welcoming and loving and generous to me ~ I immediately felt like family! Sunday we enjoyed seeing everyone at a family dinner before going to feed the ducks at the park.

On Monday, Melissa, Celeste, and I went to the mall and found Mel a formal dress for prom. Then we enjoyed lunch on her grandparents' back deck in the warm California sunshine before getting pedicures (my first!) and eating frozen yogurt.

Tuesday was our city day! We took BART into San Francisco for the day! It was fun to walk down memory lane with Mel in Chinatown (the sights and smells took Mel and I straight back to our trip to China together in 2008)!

I LOVED riding the cable cars down to Fisherman's Wharf and the Hyde Street Pier where we ate San Francisco sourdough from Boudin Bakery for lunch and topped it off with Ghiradelli chocolate at the factory in Ghiradelli Square! 

Of course, no trip to SanFran would be complete without seeing the Golden Gate Bridge and running down to the water's edge to splash around a little... :)

We left Oakland and flew to Portland early Wednesday morning feeling tired but completely happy.  So far, it's been a full but wonderful week, I'd say. After having a hectic schedule with school and work and my internship, this has most definitely been a much-needed break.

One step at a time...

Rachel <><

SPRING FEVER

Leaves are beginning to peep out from their hiding places in the branches of the Corkscrew Willow, our Thundering Plum trees are bursting with pink blossoms like popcorn balls, and the Forsythia is exploding with yellow firecracker-like flowers. Birds sing the day away, frogs croak throughout the night, and sunshine seems to grace each day with its presence, even if only with glimpses of it... Spring sure is gloriously delicious!

AND I HAVE SPRING FEVER.

Do you ever get a sudden, unrelenting urge to do something adventuresome?

You know the feeling ~ when you desperately want to go camping or backpacking or scuba diving or whitewater rafting or spelunking or road tripping or snowmobiling or parasailing... ANYTHING outdoors and exciting, rather than sitting at a desk and studying...

That's me right now.

So, this is my lame ~but honest~ attempt to push that out of my mind for a good while... because I still have one final exam! Two down, but one to go... And this time, I'm seriously scared of my test...

Time to study!

One step at a time...

Rachel <><

A Day in the Life...

*Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Beep...!*

Shooting out of the covers, my finger hit the off button, cutting off my alarm mid-beep. I sat up and squinted across the dark room at my clock.

6:57 AM.

Half awake, I ate breakfast with my family before we had family devotions. We're reading God Works the Night Shift together. I then opened my Anatomy & Physiology textbook and pulled up my powerpoint study notes. Three hours of memorizing muscles and their origins and insertions and physiology this morning! Sternocleidomastoid, levator scapula, omohyoid, supraspinatus, and good ol' biceps brachii, just to name a few...

After an early lunch, it was off to work! Since mid-January, I've been working at a private golf course near my house. I spent the afternoon greeting members, taking care of their golf equipment, driving golf carts, pressure washing, folding warm clean towels, shagging golf balls, and closing down the range. Today the range was dry enough that I learned how to drive the picker! Easy. I drove around and around in circles, picking up golf balls, and listening to Chris Tomlin's “Hello Love” on my iPod.

As I finished closing the range, I stopped for a minute to savor the scenery. All around me, tiny flower petals danced lightly to the ground on a warm, gentle breeze. In the distance, the mist silently crept through the Douglas Firs and Oaks and over the lake. The last beams of sunlight streamed gloriously ~fuchsia, purple, crimson, and gold~ through patches of clouds, warming my face. As night gently settled over the peaceful golf course, I turned out the lights and went home, rather pleased that, as usual, my crisp Nike uniform smelled like fabric softener, dirt, sand, and water.

I sat down to eat dinner and began to think about my online writing class assignment – I needed to peer review two essays (I always wonder where ~IF~ my peer partners learned to write). Scaling the stairs two at a time, I entered my bedroom and plopped down in front of my laptop. Within the hour, I finished them up.

Submitted.

8:03 PM.

Shower, then devotions. I read the entry for March 5 in Streams in the Desert before studying verse-by-verse through Luke 11:33-36 tonight: A light shining in the darkness~ to live with every part of my life in line with Christ, not any part of it in darkness. Hm... I wrote down some of my thoughts from the passage in my journal.

9:52 PM.

Sleep sounds good, indeed.

My day drew to a close as I crawled into bed and turned out the light, my mind already starting to jump ahead to my 6 hours of anatomy class and my lab test on muscles!

...but tomorrow can wait. All I need to focus on is this day.

So I can fall asleep~ taking one day at a time...

One step at a time...

Rachel <><

Interim

Thinking back over my 19 ½ years here on this earth, I remember the adventures and lessons and experiences and people involved in shaping my life... Each so precious. Each so unique. Each so important.  Yet they are here one moment and gone ~forever~ in the next... 
This reflection causes me to realize just how fleetingly seasons come and go...


And that's exactly how God created seasons to be; He created them to be a natural and beautiful part of life, looked back upon with smiles at the fond memories.

Interim Season: that's the name I would give to this time in my life. It is simply an in-between. Like a rose in winter, God has pruned me back~ slowly, painfully cutting away all the old growth and dead leaves hindering my growth. In the long run, I know this pruning is best, but at the moment, I sometimes feel stripped, wounded. 


What purpose does pruning serve? The Master Gardener knows that in order for His rose to be healthy, fragrant, and beautiful in another season, it must endure pruning now. Taking away all the dead, useless, and sometimes harmful leaves and branches causes the plant to focus its energy into replenishing its roots.

What would happen if the rose decided to not respond to the Gardner's pruning? What if it disowned its roots and refused to refocus its energy? The rose's denial wouldn't stop the pruning from occurring; it would just harm the plant. 


In the same way, this season of pruning and root cultivation is a special season in my life.

Seasons come and go... but some things never change with the seasons (or shouldn't change). They are hidden deeper in the plant ~deeper than the leaves or branches~ formed in the roots. Those are the things I desire to cultivate in my life during this season:

• to treasure Christ as infinitely valuable
• to set my hope in the triumph of God's sovereign goodness
• to find my entire source of love and security in Christ alone
• to spend my life purely for the supremacy and glory of God
• to constantly saturate my heart, soul, and mind in the Word of God
• to fight all known sin in my life that is hindering my relationship with Christ
• to humbly and joyfully honor God and my parents

This season of interim provides me with the time, focus, and atmosphere to draw closer to God.

It is truly a blessing.

Pressing on, one step at a time...

Rachel <><

Blink

As I was taking the time tonight to reflect and dig into God's Word, He impressed a simple desire into my heart: the desire to be still. I always seem to be in such a hurry, always going and going. It hit me that my problem seems to be that I desire to DO something to be a Christian and serve God, instead of allowing Him to work in me. Yet I know that God would never command me to “Stand still,” “Sit still,” or “Be still,” unless He planned on doing something.

But what is my purpose in life? Isn't it to bring glory to God?

And how do I bring Him glory? Isn't it by being conformed to His image?

Yes, He desires for me to be “conformed to the likeness of His Son” (Rom. 8:29).

So, how do I become conformed to His image?

I read a passage from “Streams in the Desert.” It related conformity to Jesus' image to having one's photograph taken~~ in order for the likeness to be captured, one must stand still. In order to be molded into the likeness of my Savior, I must be still.

Stillness. It takes long-term, God-given vision.

But only when I allow God to quiet my soul will He take my fragile heart, revive it's zeal, and work in and through it to conform me to Himself.

I heard a new song by Revive tonight as I was driving home. It speaks of this kind of God-given vision and how each moment is precious. My prayer tonight is that I will slow down and number my days before it's too late.

One step at a time...
Rachel

Listen to Revive's "Blink"

Teach me to number my days

And count every moment

Before it slips away

Take in all the colors

Before they fade to grey

I don't want to miss

Even just a second more of this

It happens in a blink

It happens in a flash

It happens in the time

It took to look back

I try to hold on tight

But there's no stopping time

What is it I've done with my life?

When it's all said and done,

No one remembers

How far we have run

The only thing that matters

Is how we have loved

Slow down

Before the day becomes our yesterday

Slow down

Before you turn around and it's too late

New Year, New Focus

Throughout the Bible and throughout history, I read stories of heroes of the faith who come to the end of their lives and have a bad ending. Their tragic ending was that they forgot their First Love.

That is something God has laid on my heart recently. Knowing my weaknesses and the many ways in which I tend to fail, this has become one of my greatest fears: that I would be working so hard for God that I forget to focus on Him in the process. At the end of everything, I just want to be in God's arms. May that be the one thing that I strive towards for the rest of my life: The SIMPLICITY of remaining in His arms.

The following song “Beautiful Ending” by Barlow Girl is my cry:

Oh, tragedy has taken so many. Love lost 'cause they all forgot Who You are. And it scares me to think that I would choose my life over You. Oh, my selfish heart divides me from You – it tears us apart.

Oh, why do I let myself let go of hands that painted the stars and holds tears that fall. And the pride of my heart makes me forget it's not me but You who makes the heart beat. I'm lost without You – Your dying for me.

At the end of it all, I wanna be in Your arms.

So, tell me: what is our ending? Will it be beautiful, so beautiful? Will my life find me by Your side, 'cause Your love is beautiful, so beautiful.

That is my heart's prayer: Lord, I just want to be in Your arms! As I enter into this new year, I have a new focus: Implicit trust. Simplistic love.

One step at a time...

Rachel <><